Hello. My name is Jeff. I am, relatively speaking, a pretty moral guy; I don't lie, I don't steal, and I don't scam people. I treat other humans with respect, and do my best not to make life harder for them. I barely even cheat in video games. However, according to US law, I should be a felon.

Why, you ask? Because I play DVDs, listen to music on my portable audio device, occasionally want to print out an e-book, have installed windows, and print numbers in blog articles.

Mein Gott, I'm a monster.

Here are a few basic signs that it might be time to go outside for some fresh air.

You become very, very confused when pressing the "tab" key does not fill in the rest of what you were typing.

The phrase "man mount" does not strike you as particularly odd.

|-|3Y D00D0RZ!! \/\/31Come 7o mY bl4rg!!!111 That was leet-speak, an advanced form of Webanese. In this short article, you too can learn to speak it! We'll start with an example english sentence, and gradually translate it into Webanese.

Example: "When I saw that funny cat sitting next to you, I laughed a little, but when I saw the other picture, I laughed so hard that I fell off my chair, injured myself, and had to take a quick trip to the emergency room."

C'mon, D00d0Rz, 137's 5t4rt!!1

Are you curious about Linux? Or perhaps just plain tired of Windows? I have composed a comprehensive*** list of the differences found between Microsoft Windows and Linux. While I've taken a humorous bent on several of the entries, each comparison is essentially true, particularly the bit about the Developers' cats. Tell me what you think!

Ok, so you know grep, awk and sed. You can ls and cd your way anywhere on your computer. You can even eject your cdrom by typing several letters instead of pressing one button. But here's a fresh*,new**, and perhaps even slightly humorous take on several of your all time favorites.

How does linux stack up to its competitors? Here are three different comparisons that seek to answer this question: Linux VS Your cat, Linux VS Your Grandmother, and Linux VS The Soviet Union. Who wins? I'll leave that up to you.

I've used quite a few linux distros in my time. Recently it occurred to me what they would look like if they were beautiful, attractive women. I think perhaps I've spent too much time on the computer, eh? Anyway, I've made a list. Tell me what you think!