As a quick note to the uninitiated: A "captcha" is an image with distorted text in it. Your job is to take the distorted text, figure out what it says, then jot it down. Many websites use them to figure out if the "user" using them is a human or a programmer-created bot. See wikipedia's captcha entry for more info.

I came up with the idea for this story after battling the captcha system at Digg. Without further ado:

Jeff and the Captcha

Jeff went out abroad one day, dark deeds upon his mind.
He ventured to an unusual site, to see what he could find.
Shovel in hand, a curious plan, to Digg his very own site.

The deed, he thought, would be e'sly done,
and traffic would abound.
Until he finished of his work,
and heard that awful sound.

|-|3Y D00D0RZ!! \/\/31Come 7o mY bl4rg!!!111 That was leet-speak, an advanced form of Webanese. In this short article, you too can learn to speak it! We'll start with an example english sentence, and gradually translate it into Webanese.

Example: "When I saw that funny cat sitting next to you, I laughed a little, but when I saw the other picture, I laughed so hard that I fell off my chair, injured myself, and had to take a quick trip to the emergency room."

C'mon, D00d0Rz, 137's 5t4rt!!1

My name is Jeff, and I'm a faller. And I'm not talking about your average, everyday, social falling; I'm hardcore. From the time I learned to walk I've been dropping, stubbing, stumbling, spilling, slipping, tripping, tumbling, trundling, faceplanting, taking long walks off short embankments, doing high-speed introductions between my face and the ground, and just plain falling.

Naturally, I've become rather good at it.

For those who've always wanted to fall, but could never quite get the hang of it, this is the article for you. Herein, I reveal all the secrets of plummeting, plunging, diving for the dirt...

Well, you get the idea.

Wake up. This is a critical step, and its importance cannot be overstated. Failing to wake up before writing a blog article can result in articles such as this one. Waking up should take no longer than an hour. If it does, consider investing in a louder alarm clock.

Playing your first Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game (Henceforth shortened to MMORPG to prevent the implosion of my brain) can be a confusing experience. I'll teach you the basics you'll need to get started. With careful study, you'll go from a N00b to a Newbie, and beyond!

First off, choose an MMORPG to start with, and purchase it. There are quite a few to choose from; There are MMORPGs where you can be a great warrior, beating up enemies for money and experience, or MMORPGS where you can be a powerful wizard, beating up enemies for money and experience, or where you can be a Superhero (or superVILLIAN!) and beat enemies up for money and experience, and there are even some where you can be a character in a famous movie or popular game series and beat enemies up for money and experience. As you can clearly see, the choices are limitless. Choose something that fits your particular funktastic style.

Making money is a difficult thing for most people. Thousands of books have been written on the subject, billions of man-hours wasted in vain pursuit. In the next few minutes, I'll show you how to make Great Big Gobs of Money without Really Trying at all!

Heyo all! Due to the popularity of my Linux as Women article, I've made a companion article to it. Please note, if you are a M$ lawyer, that these are intended as parody, not as slander. Microsoft Windows(tm) is a wonderful*COUGH*, easy to use*COUGH*, stable*COUGH,COUGH,COUGH* operating system with millions of devoted fans. Please feel free to stop reading now, and go get on with whatever lawyer-y things you need to be doing.

... Are the lawyers gone? Good. On with the WinBlows(tm) bashing!

Today I've decided to take you all on a guided tour of my spacious home office. Sit back, relax, and prepare to be amazed.

My home office is a thing of beauty. Three full square feet of unadulterated* "ME" space. Well, me, my computer, my 17" inch monitor, speaker system with subwoofer, my triple D-lux solid particle-board wooden chair, a bokken, a floor lamp, and a fluffy bear backpack adorned with stars and ribbions that occupies the space above my head.